A Real Man
by Pokemon Ranger-Trainer
Summary: ...never asks for directions. What happens when Elfman takes that too far, and with Evergreen as a passenger? Craziness unfolds, for certain. Beware the angry monkeys. Mostly Elfman/Evergreen. Also features NaLu, Gruvia, Cappy, and SamuelxOC. One-shot.


**I don't own Fairy Tail (I can, however, claim Ester, and Exceed OC and love interest for Samuel). This is just something funny that I thought up a long time ago. It's a quick one-shot that is mostly about Elfman and Evergreen. Some of my favorite pairings portrayed in past Fairy Tail stories will also be in this (and we all know that especially includes Happy/Carla, otherwise known as Cappy). Enjoy! And fellow guys, I am sorry, but the stereotype about men featured in this story made for good material. If it seems like there are too many minor featured pairings, then I am sorry, but I wanted to portray more than one pair so the story didn't feel like one long drive, so to speak.**

Mirajane scanned the guild a dozen times over. Makarov, slightly irritated by the lost look in her eyes when she knew the guild like the back of her hand, asked, "What is it, Mira?"

"Well, Master, it's just…Elfman isn't back yet," Mirajane expressed her concern. Her younger brother, Elfman, had gone on a mission three days prior. He had been accompanied by Evergreen of the Thunder Legion, a small team of Fairy Tail members who followed Laxus.

"He has Evergreen. He'll be fine," Master Makarov shrugged.

"I suppose you're right…" Mirajane mumbled, not entirely convinced.

"Have faith in Big Brother Elf. I'm sure he's fine!" Lisanna encouraged, smiling. She glanced over at Natsu and Lucy. Like she had hoped, they were getting along well.

"Okay, I'm going to summon Vulpecula now," Lucy informed Natsu, who had recently given her a silver Gate Key about a week prior. She pulled out the silver key. It was decorated with a fox tail theme. Gate Keys, gold or silver, were usually shaped and decorated with a certain theme to match the Celestial Spirit that the key unlocked the Spirit Gate of.

With a wave of her new silver key, Lucy opened the Celestial Gate in the form of a magic circle. In a flash of light, a young girl appeared. The girl looked around fourteen years old, give or take a year or two. She wore a thin, predominantly white kimono with red markings. Her eyes were a bright, golden color. She evidently had an average sized chest, and was perhaps a few inches shorter than Lucy. She also had orangey red hair, with two triangular fox ears atop her head. She also had a long, fluffy, elegant fox tail. The girl greeted, "Hello. I'm Vulpecula."

"Um…hi," Lucy returned the greeting. How long had it been since she last made a contract with a Celestial Spirit? "Okay, so where do you want to start?"

"Oh, wherever," Vulpecula shrugged. "You can always come to me for advice, figuring out puzzles, disengaging traps, and snuggling!" In a puff of smoke, the vulpine girl turned herself into an adorably small fox. "See?"

"Aww!" Lucy found her new Spirit friend absolutely adorable at that point.

"Where's Elfman? I want to have a fight and Gray is boring me!" Natsu complained.

Meanwhile, on an open country road, Elfman was driving a Magic Four Wheeler, trying to contain himself while he was victim of a ranting backseat driver. "I told you to ask for directions in the last town, but _no_, you had to be all 'I'm a real man'! Now we're lost, you muscled headed—!" Evergreen was hitting him with her fan.

"Stop hitting me, woman!" Elfman shouted at her.

"Stop screaming!" Evergreen slapped him with her fan again. "I knew I should've driven! My mother was right in telling me to date a lawyer!"

"Do you know any lawyers?!" Elfman asked assertively. When Evergreen shook her head, Elfman yelled, "Then too bad!"

"Humph!" Evergreen turned away snootily. "Maybe you should have brought _Lucky_ with you." Lucky was Happy's biological father, as well as an Exceed who lived by the same beliefs of being a man as Elfman. Who knew that human and Exceed values could be so alike?

"At least he wouldn't be asking me to deign myself in my manliness and ask for directions," Elfman muttered bitterly.

Meanwhile, back at Fairy Tail, Samuel, an Exceed formerly of the Legion Corps, walked in. He was also the boyfriend of Ester, a cream colored Exceed introduced to and partnered with Levy McGarden via Gajeel. Pantherlily did not entirely approve of Samuel's presence, but the light blue Exceed was not exactly lethal. Then, Pantherlily gasped when he noticed something different about Samuel's miter. Instead of having the Zentopia symbol on it, the Fairy Tail guild mark was printed on the iconic hat.

"You know, I find the hats an interesting concept of religion," Pantherlily said to Samuel, "but would you mind explaining this?"

"Certainly, Brother!" Samuel complied. The word 'brother' made the black furred Exceed's eye twitch. "It's quite simple, really. I'm joining Fairy Tail so I can be with my sweet Essie."

"What?!" Pantherlily gasped.

"It's already official. Allow me to elaborate through demonstration," Samuel offered, taking off his red scarf. He turned around, gently placed his miter upright on the floor in front of him, bent over, and pulled up his shirt. On his back was a red Fairy Tail guild mark. The back was a common place for Exceeds in guilds to have their marks. Their bodies were rather petite, limiting their options for places to place the mark of guild representation, whatever the guild may be. "I won't be trouble." He stood upright, faced him, and put his miter and scarf back on. "I care about Ester too much to cause substantial trouble to her guild. I remember when we met at the book store. We were tracing our fingers along the same shelf, eventually our paws touched, and…" He only finished that sentence with a swooning sigh.

"…I'm holding you to that," Pantherlily informed him, "…Brother Sammy."

Samuel smiled, adjusted his glasses, and requested, "If you don't mind, I'd prefer it if only Ester called me 'Sammy'."

Carla was sipping tea, and Ester was reading next to her. Carla said to the cream furred Exceed, "I didn't know you met Samuel in a bookstore."

"Oh, yeah. He was so _dreamy_!" Ester swooned. "Did you find Happy that way when you first met him?"

"Honestly, no. He felt that way about me, though," Carla smiled, reminiscing about the days when her relationship with Happy was just a one-sided crush. "He grew on me gradually. Now, I can't imagine my life without him." She glanced at Happy and smiled. At the same time, he glanced and smiled back.

Meanwhile, Elfman was still driving. Evergreen had been silent for a while. Elfman swallowed his pride and decided to be the bigger man. He apologized, "Look, I'm sorry that we had that little spat. Maybe I got carried away with my manliness, but it is next to godliness."

"I thought that was cleanliness," Evergreen finally spoke.

Elfman smirked. "Maybe it is."

"…Do you ever wonder when Gray will finally give in and take Juvia on a date?" Evergreen asked, trying to make small talk.

"Rumor has it he already did. He should be more of a man about his feelings," Elfman informed her.

"Like you are with me?" Evergreen countered.

"You were the first one to say you'd be embarrassed, weren't you?" Elfman pointed out, but he was unsure. That was precisely why he asked it instead of stating it.

"…I don't remember," Evergreen shook her head. "Time flies when you're having fun. The next thing you know, everything is just a blur."

"Are you having fun now?" Elfman asked curiously. He was a tad surprised when Evergreen kissed him, lip-to-lip. He enjoyed it nonetheless. So much, in fact, that he started to veer off the road.

"Now I am," Evergreen said when she pulled away. She took a quick glance around. "GET BACK ON THE ROAD!"

"WHOA!" Elfman screamed as he almost hit a Gorian, or Forest Vulcan. He managed to steer back onto the road.

"You muscle headed idiot! You could've killed us!" Evergreen started to hit Elfman with her fan again.

"Hello! _You_ kissed _me_!" Elfman pointed out, comically enraged.

"Ugh! At this rate, I'd rather have Happy drive me!" Evergreen groaned.

Meanwhile, Happy sneezed the exact moment Evergreen said his name, even though she was dozens of miles away from the guild. Carla wished him, "Bless you."

"That was weird. My nose wasn't even itchy. Thanks, Carla!" Happy replied, quickly getting over the strange phenomenon. "Oh, Carla, there's something I wanted to show you!" He pulled a white stuffed doll out of his green bag. It looked exactly like a tiny version of Carla. "You have your Mini Happy. Now I have Mini Carla!" Happy smiled a great, big grin. "It even comes with your complete wardrobe!"

"It's adorable, though I'm a little perturbed that it comes with all of my outfits," Carla stated her thoughts. It was true that she had a stuffed Happy doll that she dubbed Mini Happy, so she found it even sweeter when Happy showed her his 'Mini Carla'. "Speaking of outfits, I have something for you." She pulled out a green vest, a pair of yellow shorts, and a red hooded sweatshirt with the Fairy Tail guild mark on it. "I know you have few clothes that you don't usually wear, but I thought you would like these."

"Oh, wow! They look cool!" Happy graciously took them. "Thanks, Carla! You are the best!" His compliment made her blush.

Meanwhile, now only a few miles down the road, Elfman and Evergreen were driving in the rain. Evergreen asked, "Will you please put the roof up?"

"The Gorian tore it off…" Elfman reminded her. He shuddered. "That was one angry monkey." He passed by a couple, backed up, and stopped.

"What are you doing?" Evergreen asked impatiently. Then, she saw what had caught his attention. Juvia was dancing in the rain, urging Gray to join in.

"Come on, Gray! It's fun!" Juvia urged. She took hold of his hand, and he gave in with a smile. They started dancing together.

"You know, Juvia, I think you are right," Gray sighed and laughed a bit. "This is kind of fun."

"See?" Juvia asked excitedly as she danced with him in the pouring rain.

Elfman turned to Evergreen, informing her, "I'm running a little low on magic power."

"I've got nothing better to do," Evergreen said to him, catching on quickly to what he was implying.

"Hey!" Elfman called over to them. They both looked in the direction of the Magic Four Wheeler. "You mind if we join you?"

"Not at all!" Juvia smiled and waved them over. Evergreen and Elfman left their magic vehicle and started dancing in the rain with Gray and Juvia. The two couples were having a grand old time. The precipitation only added to the magical moments of wonder and excitement.

It only felt like ten minutes had gone by, but forty-five minutes had gone by in actuality. They all finally regained their sense of time when an angry Gorian leapt over to the Magic Four Wheeler and smashed it in a violent outburst. Elfman said flatly, "Well, it looks like we're walking back."

"No big deal," Evergreen waved the fact aside, which was the exact opposite of what Elfman was expecting. He smiled in his surprised feeling. "Want to fly a kite?"

"Are you serious?" Elfman raised an eyebrow.

"No," Evergreen laughed.

They walked back to the guild, taking their time. Gray and Juvia decided to just go home. When Elfman and Evergreen entered the guild, Mirajane squealed, "You're alive!"

"Hey, Mira," Elfman greeted. "Just ignore the fact that we're all wet."

"Where is everyone?" Evergreen asked curiously. The guild seemed half empty (or half full, depending on how you looked at it).

"I know that Happy and Carla were taken home to go to bed. Natsu walked Lucy home. Cana's stowed away in her secret stash. Wakaba went to buy some exotic cigars. I think Laki said something about going to build a dam. I didn't really understand what she meant, though," Mirajane informed them. Levy was just walking out, holding Ester in her arms, and Samuel sat on Levy's shoulder. Pantherlily sat on a table, drinking kiwi juice. Gajeel was eating pure iron. The guild was quiet.

"Don't you know what time it is? It is past nine o'clock," Makarov informed them, not giving them a chance to answer his questions.

"Time flies when you're having fun," Elfman chuckled.

"My mother was wrong about me dating a lawyer," Evergreen muttered with a smile.

**The end**


End file.
